eskatological volumes

12.30.2005

 
23:43

julie wanted to go by the media play at 100 oaks this afternoon after work to check on their next round of discounted items. unfortunately for her they are not selling books anymore. also she was looking for a deluxe version of japanese instructional software, but they didn't have it. i was about to buy one anime figure, but julie said she'd rather me get a dvd, and that they had plenty of ghost in the shell: stand alone complex ones. well, i told her that if i was going to get any, i'd have to get them all. no point in owning 4 episodes in the middle of the season....so i got vol 1, 2, 5, 6, and 7 of season one and vol 1 and 2 of 2nd gig. julie wanted to go on up to rivergate to check for that software there as well, so we did and they didn't have it either. but they did have vol 3 and 4 of season one which i needed. so now i own all the stand alone complex dvds available right now.
on our way out of the media play in rivergate we saw that it had started raining. i really didn't want to drive all they way back home in that rain during late rush hour, so we stopped at a japanese place (sapporo) which we had seen while we were up in rivergate a few weeks ago. i got the vegetable tempura and julie got some type of noodle/soup. both servings were huge and very tasty.

while messing around on the computers this evening i happened to run across our wedding photos and noticed how much thinner i was then. i've got to buckle down and lose some weight to get back to where i was a few years ago. i can't stand feeling how i do any longer.
the tempura dish i ordered tonight was much larger than i thought it'd be, and on the way home i felt rather full. almost too full. and several times in the car and after i got home i thought about how hard it would be to get myself to puke some of it back up. i could feel it in me and wanted it out. but i've had a friend who dealt with bulemia and had a hard road to recovery with it. he said that vomting became so instinctive that his body would hardly keep any food down once he started to try and eat right and keep food down. so i know that's not the way to go. last year i seriously considered liposuction or a tummy tuck operation, but i figured the recovery time would be too much and would be something i couldn't hide from everyone at work. or friends and family as well. also last year i took diet pills for at least 3 or 4 months straight and that did nothing. as much as i want this and as much mental time and anguish i put in on this pain of mine, i can never just channel that into exercising or doing something positivly effective. i guess i'm like most lazy americans and just want an easy way out. it's just my fate that i love eating and have 32 super sweet teeth.
i was this weight before back in 2001 and i dropped down to 140-145 back then, so i know i can do it again. i'm just going to have to do what i did back then and practice portion control and make every fucking calorie be worth it.

music: coil - going up