eskatological volumes

9.10.2003

 
20:57

um...stuff. i guess.
mon night our company had a shindig at jillian's; i ate too much food. had a good time bowling with most of the ppl i work with and with julie. julie and i were stinking it up big time though. after the bowling we played some skee ball and amazingly i almost did rather well. i kept coming super close to hitting the 50k and 40k holes. i've been fiddling with windows server 2003 since debian wouldn't install. it's pretty schnazzy i guess. i'm sure i'm not even coming close to using most of it's features, but it's nice to not be messing with an OS that's 5 years old. this is all on my secondary machine though.
earlier i had some things i wanted to say. but i've had internal dialouges with myself and so most of that fire is burned out now. it's just so annoying having to be around ppl so much and dealing with them. wondering what they think, what they say. and wondering why in the world it should even matter to me. feeling pressured to be liked so that i'll have a chance to move on and do better things...but seeing that that's not happening. and knowing that the problem is me. because of actually who i am. that i can't just pull up stakes, move someplace far away and solve that problem. that i have to deal with me till the end. and wanting to withdraw more and more, but that's not going to solve anything either.
speaking of the eating too much mon night, i'm hoping to really start back to eating better. to everyone else, that means drastically less. yesterday i ate two apples and a yogurt. today i've eaten two apples, a yogurt, and a peanut butter sandwich. i've slacked off way too long and even though my weight isn't too much different, i can really tell that i've just got more flab than before and i need to cut back, fast for a bit, and flush this garbage out of my body.

music: coil - live four